Smartphone Rules of Engangement

You've been traveling all day long. You've taken a space at the airport bar and you're quietly waiting for your next flight. You sit down, order yourself a beer and perhaps you scan your phone to see if you have any messages. Maybe you've picked up a newspaper to give it a good read. You just want to pass time and get lost a little bit in your own thoughts. Maybe you're watching the television above the bar for entertainment.  Then this guy sits next to you. He's already talking on his phone when he sits down. He continues to flap his gums. 

"... There's nothing much happening here, sweetheart. We're just waiting for the plane.  In the meantime, I guess I'll just sit around here and watch people going by. It's not a bad occupation to have at an airport but people do just think so much of themselves. How will I ever get through the wedding?  It's been so long since I've been in the same room with all of them.  It is so boring. Don't you think? I wish I wasn't going. You know how I hate all that dancing an frivolity. There is nothing for me there. I'll show up, I'll make nice and in the end, there will probably be a fight. There's always a fight. Especially, when I get together with my family. It's just inevitable. You know Adam. Adam has to be right all the time. He has to be the center of attention. He's the kind of guy who just has to be able to say his piece. It doesn't even matter if he is right or if he's wrong, and he's usually is wrong. God forbid you should even roll your eyes in his presence.  He just has to have his say.  Of course, Sam will take offense at anything that Adam says. Sam always takes offense at whatever Adam says.  Sam is just bound to get his knickers in a twist over something or other. You never really know with my family........"

The guy just droned on and on like that for a whole hour. There wasn't an ounce of interesting information in his whole oratory. He barely stopped to take a breath.

At one point, I thought he was just holding the phone up to his ear to make everybody believe there was actually somebody on the other end. I was convinced there was nobody on the other end. I'm sure there wasn't. There wasn't enough time while he sucked in his next breath for anyone on the other end to respond to anything he said. 

I think he was just trying to tell everybody around him that he was so important that somebody at the other end of the phone was willing to listen to him pontificate on subjects from family relations to the situation in the Middle East to auto mechanics.  

Small mercies exist. In this case, that is, I don't know the guy, and I will probably never have to sit in the same room with him again.  Ever in my life.  Ever.  Never.

Then there's the guy who is having the most important business meeting of his life over a pulled pork sandwich, fries, a shot of whiskey, and a Sam Addams Octoberfest chaser. He got the chaser for half price.  And just wait for the carrot cake topper. With a full mouth and some very convincing mumbling, I'm sure he was able to put the world to rights. This is the all-important airport business meeting conducted by a ne'er do well who ain't all that talking so loud when he says "Millions" or "sign the contract".

I am not really good on the telephone.  My daughter is the same way. If we have three words to say to each other that will convey the sentiment there is no need for four words. 

For those of us that have problems recognizing and respecting another's space, I suggest a few rules of engagement.

Smartphone Rules of Engagement

Rule Number 1 - If you're in a crowded room (hell - if you're in a room with other people) and you have to take a call - excuse yourself, leave the room, and relocate to a more private location.

Rule Number 2 - If you're in a crowded room/room with other people in it and you have to make a call - see rule one.

Rule Number 3 - If you're on a mode of public transportation and you must watch the last England goal (not that they happen very often) or the last episode of Eastenders, use a pair of bloody earphones.  I don't want to listen to it. 

Rule Number 4 - Your smartphone is not a BoomBox. I don't like your music. No - Really - I don't - especially out of a tinny smartphone speaker. If you must play it - Use Earphones/buds. 

Rule Number 5 - If you're at dinner with somebody special - Put the damn phone away. I really don't care about this one if you are having dinner with somebody else. It's funny to see people not talking to each other. However, if you're having dinner with me - please put it away. I like to see the whites of your eyes when I'm blabbing with you. Please turn it off and put it away. 

Rule Number 6 -Just because you have the capacity for 20,000 pictures on your phone and the last picture of the last time your child spit up on you, you don't need to show it to me. (I have a bad habit of over-sharing photos cuz I think it's cool - I will try to do better - honestly).

That's all - if I think of any more I'll be sure to let you know. 

I painted this lighthouse scene yesterday. The paint is not yet dry.  I really like the view from the St Uny Church in Lelant through to Godrevy Lighthouse. 

Until then, seriously, I wish you peace. 

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