Drivers And Other Idiots

I brought all my painting gear with me. All I really had time for was to draw a couple of sketches in the Derbyshire Dales. The sketch to the left I did while contemplating the Dales with a nice cold beverage in the garden. Just over the fence - peace, and tranquility. 

You see, last week we got to spend some time walking with friends the Dales. That involved transporting both ourselves and some of our belongings from point A (Stevenage in Hertfordshire) to point B (Ashbourne in Derbyshire). We packed up the car and were off to our little getaway in the country. We thought it would take about two and a half hours to drive the 125 miles, give or take the inevitable wrong turn or two.

Our trip started out as planned, but quickly turned into alternate routes, map gazing, and some arguing with the SatNav about directions and the quickest route.

Where is this silly machine taking me this way? 
Was that a left turn or a right turn? (your side/my side)
What the hell do they mean - "slight left turn"?
Watch out!!
Get off the curb!!
Was that close or what?
Who the hell built these roads? 
Why did we choose to drive during rush hour?
Hold it, it's not rush hour! 
Why are we on the M1 to begin with? 
Shouldn't we have taken the A1?
It would have been faster, wouldn't it? 
Geez, I can't wait to get out of this car and have a beer. 

At one point we were playing dueling directions (android vs apple) - who will get us there faster? Was it the American Apple GoogleMaps (American accent) or the English Android GoogleMaps (English accent). I think the real honest to goodness paper map won the day. 

Five hours later, with no remaining nerves or whits, we arrived at our destination. It was a trial.

The road and I have, of late, had a trying relationship. I suppose it's not the roads as much as the situations they create. Some of it has to do with road works, potholes, and roads so narrow you'd have trouble passing one starved boney horse past another going in the other direction.  There are pull-offs, lay byes, and unsigned passages but my real grievance is with the people. 

Sure, I have the occasional brain fart and do the wrong thing. Honestly, I think some people on the road make it a point to make life difficult for others toing and froing on the same patch of public earth. 

I have some pet peeves about drivers and other idiots. This situation was just one of those that brought flashbacks and not the cool colors and shapes of the 60s and 70s. They are much more unnerving.  

Because I was thinking about it, I thought I would bring up some suggestions for these caustic concrete cretins that make my life so difficult on what was supposed to be a long and relaxing drive.  

Just a little rant (Don't worry - all suggestions attempt to maintain a PG rating). 
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• Pokey Passers - If you're driving a truck that can only go 50 miles an hour and can only attain that that speed downhill with the wind, please do not try to pass a car going 45 miles an hour uphill just cause you can. You're never going to get up to the speed of normal traffic on a 70 mile an hour motorway. So, please, just freaking don't. Suffer till the next downhill or something. Don't pull out in front of me when I'm going 70 and expect me to be happy, compliant, or even understanding. 
  
  
• Weavers and Jammers - When there is a traffic jam please don't try to weave in and out of traffic. You're liable to get rear-ended or receive a totally inappropriate gesture and comment from me. You may not see or hear said gesture or comment but, believe me, they're wholeheartedly felt and meant. Please don't put me in a position to get my ass kicked.
  
  
• Tail Gaters - If you want to pass don't hang on my backside for ten miles. I will put on the brakes and make your life a living hell. Please, gently flash your high beams and I will gladly get out of your way as soon as I possibly can. That will be when there's a space. I will not move just because you're on my tail. 
  
  
• Wheelie Warrior - This one is especially precious. If you're riding a motorcycle at 70 miles an hour on the motorway. Don't pull a wheelie and speed off the exit I will not cry for your body skidding down the road. I will not have any sympathy for your subsequent vegetative state. 
  
  
• Tweeners - If you are riding a motorcycle in a traffic jam it is extremely irritating when you split the difference and squeeze between cars. It's unnerving and I might just open my door - because I can. 
  
  
• Bicycle Badasses - If you're riding your bicycle on a road that has a speed limit of fifty miles an hour or more - please find another road. Your lycra is not a superhero suit - it will not save you. 
  
  

I used to like to drive. I used to like to drive a lot. The thrill has gone. I just want to get from point A to point B without killing or being killed by someone. 

Oh yeah, one last thing - don't read your emails/texts at 70 miles an hour. You deserve what happens to you but others don't so put the phone away!

Thank you - Until next week, I wish you peace. I'll try to grab a bit too.

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